We are all members of the ‘Bad Mums’ Club!

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Image from DVD cover

After watching the Bad Moms movie starring Mila Kunis, Kristin Bell, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Christina Applegate I just had to write this post.  I picked this movie as I needed a ‘Chick Flick’ with laughs and something to relax in front of.

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Little did I know that I would end up feeling so inspired, uplifted and ultimately motivated.  I spent most of the time making lots of notes for this post because I really wanted to share my thoughts.  It also prompted me to give myself a firm talking to about beating myself up all the time.  That I should not compare myself to that fictional ideal mother who doesn’t really exist.

Stressed all the time?

I’d been, like most of us, getting up everyday with a massive list of ‘to do’s’ and running myself ragged trying to get it all done.   I felt like a failure constantly with my washing, ironing, housework, emails, admin, blog, etc NEVER UP TO DATE.  Plus I never found the time for my hobbies of craft, photography, digital art and the book I want to write. My worst habit was comparing myself to those Mum’s who seem to have it all, lovely clean and tidy home, obedient husband, well behaved kids, always beautifully dressed, always exercising and eating healthily.  Feeling like I’m constantly fighting fires rather than preventing them.

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If you’ve seen the film you will know exactly where I am coming from and if you haven’t I would recommend seeing it…call it Mum therapy.

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So back to the film, the gist is a harassed mum trying her best to get everything done, look good, hold down a decent job and be loved by her kids. At the start, in laugh out loud ways, it seems very much like she is failing while of course there is the perfect mum absolutely winning in every way.  This was fun to watch because I could really identify with her and quickly started rooting for her too.  There is no better feeling than that ‘oh my god that’s happened to you too’ and ‘you have meltdowns too’ moment when another mum confesses something to you.

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As the film went on I went from watching it ‘for a laugh’ to sitting up and taking notice of this hidden message.  Whether this was intentional by the filmmakers or just my interpretation I don’t know.  Did I interpret this because of how I was feeling or would others come to the same conclusion?  If you have seen it please leave a comment as I’d love to know.

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Finally the Mum snaps after a succession of disastrous events, as a viewer I totally sympathised because I’ve been in her situation many times.  Ah yes I’ve had the ‘Mum meltdown’ well more like ‘psycho crazy’ meltdown if I’m totally honest.  She goes to a bar where she bumps into two other mums who are also having a tough time, though they are all very different characters, they have a lot in common.  They are all feeling stressed and unappreciated so while sharing and laughing over their epic fails they end up on an all night bender having lots of fun and ‘partying like a mother’.  Think we can all identify with this!

After this she and her new mum friends decide to loosen up, go with the ‘bad mum’ image and totally own it.  They start being more realistic, stand up for themselves by saying no to unreasonable demands and for the first time start living rather than existing.

Laughing with one of my best friends

There is a also a clique of ‘perfect mums’ who are feared by all the other mums at the local school lead by one formidable one in particular.  But there is a PTA election where the bad mum does a speech telling everyone how they should allow themselves to make mistakes and stop being so tough on themselves.

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The film wraps up with the unexpected revelation that the perfect mum doesn’t actually have the perfect life.  She breaks down, admits a list of ‘failures’ and flaws with her life revealing that she too struggles most of the time.   After all the worrying and comparing it turns out that she’s just like them and it was all a front, in fact she wants to be more like them.

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So there you go…basically the point I want to make is that we’re all ‘Bad Mum’s’ really and that’s ok, there is no such thing as a ‘perfect mum’.

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I started to re-evaluate how I viewed myself and why, when I actually thought it through I had nothing to feel bad about.  Yes I’ve failed at many things but I’ve also totally smashed others and it’s important to focus on the wins and focus on the positives. The things I’ve failed at haven’t been through a lack of effort and always been done to the best of ability at the time, was it really a failure anyway.  And if I didn’t put enough time into it I need to consider what else I had going on at the same time.  Watching this movie made me realise this…rethink my mindset.  Since this revelation of mine every time I hear my negative voice taking over I remind myself of this movie, it has really helped.

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I can honestly say, hand on heart that I always put 100% into being a parent as well as everything else I do.  OK I’ve sent my daughter to school without fruit in her lunch because I’ve run out, given her cereal for tea because she won’t eat what I’ve cooked, fallen asleep on the settee and woken to find her still up late at night, forgotten to do the tooth fairy thing, told lots of white lies and shut myself in my bedroom because I’ve totally lost control!  I’d love to hear your ‘Mum fails’ too so please leave a comment and lets stop being to tough on ourselves…we are all just winging it.

Welcome to The Bad Mums Club where it’s Ok to make mistakes

Before I go I wanted to share just one example of my more relaxed attitude;

When my daughter wanted to jump in a big puddle with her school uniform I told her to go for it!!  We really laughed and I captured it on video, that moment of fun, of going against the rules.  Sometimes the word ‘No’ comes out as a default without thinking.

I’ve added some pics below to illustrate, not good quality but you get the idea.